What a Dumbass!

PROJECT DUMBASS – DONALD RUMSFELD

“The likelihood of it seems to me to be so low that it does not surprise me that it’s never been discussed in my presence. To my knowledge.'’ This is a direct quote from Donald Rumsfeld’s address to the 9/11 Commission. This ladies and gentlemen is a prime example of Rummy Talk. The definition of which is to be able to talk for hours upon hours, contradicting everything you say and still manage to say nothing. Some unkind souls may call it pure bullshit but Rumsfeld takes bullshit to a higher plane.
Donald of Arabia has not always been the scourge of Saddam. Far from it. He shook Saddam’s hand in 1983, as an official representative of the United States of America, which at that time hated Iran so much that it was willing to work with thugs like Hussein, and to supply them with every form of weaponry imaginable. He knew he was using poison gas, and he said not one word against it. He knew he was obtaining biological agents; he encouraged it. Is it little wonder that he is confident that weapons of mass destruction will be found? He sold them to Saddam in the first place!
When asked about comments made on March 30th 2002, you said, referring to Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, quote, “We know where they are.” Do you know where they are now? And will they be found? The world was braced for another onslaught of Rummy talk.

“When you quote me, as opposed to somebody else, I do remember the context. And in that instance, we had been in the country for about 15 seconds; sometimes I overstate for emphasis.”

Errrrrr. And here we move from Rummy talk to Rummy Time. Ironically, while admitting one exaggeration, that Rumsfeld/the government/the military knew where the weapons of mass destruction were in Iraq, when in fact they only thought they knew, he spouted another one, that our military had been in the country for “about 15 seconds.” That’s brilliant, defending one exaggeration with another. Actually, on March 30, the military had been in Iraq for 10 days. Ten days = 15 seconds in Rummy time. Rumsfeld uses his own time code to twist the facts. When being asked to account for assertions he has made, he underestimates the amount of time that passed either for him to have gathered enough information to make an accurate statement ["Yes, I said that, but you really can’t hold me to it because I didn’t have enough time to really know what I was talking about."] or to avoid answering a question about what he knows ["How would I know? It just happened a nanosecond ago."] or to out and out lie about what he knew and when ["I only learned about this problem recently. Um, I mean not really that recently. Um, okay, I’ve known all along.”

Unfortunately for Rummy, no amount of bullshit or Rummy Talk could get him out of the prisoner abuse scandal. But hey, what’s so bad about these prisoner abuses anyways? I mean who hasn’t been sodomized with a broom handle or had their genitals hooked up to electricity or been put on a leash and treated like an animal or been in a nude pyramid? As Rummy says “Sometimes freedom is messy!”

Seeing our proud men and women sodomize these helpless Iraqis made me think of how thankful they must be for the newfound freedoms they now have. Now that we removed Saddam, thanks to Rummy we can introduce them to compassionate conservatism with a broom handle up the pooter!

Dumbass!